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Crazy Lyle Page #2





It's amazing how fast your hair grows when you get older.


This is FRANNY asking directions in Malaga, Spain.


What a terrific Bass this is. Rene is with a German Group called Hotwheels.
He played the bass for Marshall and was fantastic.





The background for the Comets on the big TV show in Germany. (Nov., 2003)


Marshall ... caught in the act. (Nov., 2003)


Franny does the Steel Guitar Rag, on the MS EUROPA. (Nov., 2003)


Joey and Marshall in Santorini. (Nov., 2003)


The Comets, in Berlin Germany. The Sax player is Clive Osbourne that took Joey's place while Joey went home to be with his family after the tragic death of his grandson. (Nov., 2003)


Marshall and David Hasselhoff, in Erfurt Germany, where they filmed a TV program that will be aired in March of 2004. Boy is he tall, and a really nice man. He said he had been a fan of the Comets for many years. He also sings a nice song. (Nov., 2003)


The whole gang with David Hasselhoff. (Nov., 2003)


Shirley, Dick, Joey & Marion lounging by the pool. (Nov., 2003)


The COMETS and Their LADIES enjoying a show in the Lounge of The MS EUROPA, in the Greek Isles. "It is a tough job but somebody's got to do it." (Nov., 2003)


The boys were in Santorini, one of the beautiful Greek Isles. You can see the MS EUROPA just by Marshall's right shoulder in the background, they were on top of a mountain. It is a lovely part of the world. (Nov., 2003)


Cathy and Marshall going to a Captains Dinner. (Nov., 2003)




Look at this 82 year old world traveler.
Franny Beecher says "Is this the good life or what?"
(10/2003)


Franny Beecher sure missed out, when he decided not to join us on this outing to Banff National Park in Alberta Canada, October 2003. One of the most beautiful places on Earth. We all send many thanks to Alex Frazer  Harrison, our guide for the day.


Lake Louise, in the Banff National Park in Alberta Canada, is one of the most beautiful places in the world.






Marshall Lytle shows off his gold record for "Shake, Rattle and Roll," the group's first hit. Lytle, 69, still plays the upright bass in his pioneering, energetic style during performances around the world. Tampa Tribune photo by Amdy Jones

Comet Still Rocks
New Port Richey Man Played In Bill Haley's Band
Courtesy: Tampa Tribune, June 3, 2003 - by Geoff Fox
         NEW PORT RICHEY, FL - Although he'll turn 70 this year, Marshall Lytle can still raise an upright bass over his left shoulder and pluck the strings with his right hand.
         He can still play the instrument, which is about 6-feet tall, while standing on it as if it were a pogo stick.
         He can still play it while on his back or riding it like a hobby horse, employing the slap-back style he pioneered 50 years ago.
         You might never have heard Lytle's name. But his sound? That's another matter. The doomba-doomba-doomba of his instrument is featured on "Rock Around the Clock," "Shake, Rattle and Roll" and "See You Later Alligator."
         A bassist for Bill Haley and his Comets from 1951 to 1955, Lytle played on records that have sold tens of millions of copies. He has the gold records and memorabilia, but not the royalties, to prove it.
         Lytle lives comfortably in a double-wide mobile home near Main Street about six months of the year. He spends the rest of his time in hotel suites and aboard cruise ships, touring as one of Haley's "Original Comets."
         If he's bitter about the falling out with Haley that caused him and two other members to leave the band as its popularity soared, he doesn't show it.
         He has been around the world, performed before screen legends, and shared a stage with Elvis Presley, Little Richard and Chuck Berry.
         "We've got the greatest retirement of any human being that ever retired," Lytle said. "We get to travel and see the World, and they pay us for it."
         The five-man "Original Comets" - Lytle, guitarist Franny Beecher, 81, saxophone player Joey D'Ambrosio (also known as Joey Ambrose), 69, pianist Johnny Grande, 73, and drummer Dick Richards, 79 - began a month long tour in Paris today.
         The tour includes dates in Germany, Sweden, Finland, Austria, Switzerland and Hungary.
         "We try to stay active, do about 60 to 80 concerts a year," Lytle said. "Most of them are in Europe. We do Canada a lot and do some dates here in the States."
         In his kitchen hangs a plaque commemorating "Rock Around the Clock," bestowed in 1981 by The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. To the right, hangs a gold record for "Shake, Rattle and Roll," the group's first hit.
         Nearby is a framed gold 78 record for "Shake, Rattle and Roll" and "Rock Around the Clock." It's highlighted by an aged Decca Records advertisement touting the band as "ATOMIC!"

Roots as Blue Collar As The Music
         Lytle was born in Old Fort, N.C., near Asheville, on Sept. 1, 1933, the last of John and bessie Lytle's five children. When work dried up for John, the family moved to Chester, Pa., where he and Bessie worked at the Sun Ship Building and Dry Dock Co.
         Marshall thought the only way he would see the world would be to fight in a war like his brother Cliff, who brought an acoustic guitar home from World War II.
         Cliff befriended Tex King, who played guitar in a local band led by Haley. King lived with the Lytle for a while, and the teenage Marshall listened to him strum and sing every evening.
         After lessons from King, Lytle began performing at school assemblies and talent contests. He eventually quit school to work in a factory by day and play Atlantic City, N.J., clubs by night.
         By 1951, he was performing full time and hosting a show on Chester radio station WP. Haley had become a family friend. When Haley's bassist quit, the bandleader came to Lytle.
         "I said, 'I'm a guitar player, I don't play bass,'" Lytle said. "He said, "Well, I'll teach you. I'll only take 30 minutes or so.'"
         A quick lesson in the WP parking lot, and Lytle was on stage that night with Billy Haley and the Saddlemen, known for their cowboy boots and white stetsons. The band played country until Haley heard "Rock The Joint," a rhythm-and-blues number by Jackie Bronston.
         The band recorded it. "Rock'n'roll became our life," Lytle said.

'A Crazy, Wild Bass Player'
         Until 1953, when Haley added D'Ambrosio and Richards, the band (by then known as Bill Haley and his Comets) had no drummer. Lytle, with constant performing, had refined a back-slap or shuffle-slap style that became an early rock 'n' roll trademark.
         "He was one of the first to bring it out," said Alex Frazer-Harrison, a Canadian freelance journalist who has written extensively about Bill Haley and his Comets. "People hearing [Haley's] first records, they heard him in the background, creating percussion. All the percussion was from Marshall, that clickety-click in the back-ground.
         "To learn how to make the bass speak this way opened up a lot of doors for people," he said. "You listen to the music back then, and it had such a unique sound."
         Lytle also began honing stage antics. Sometimes, during a sax solo, D'Ambrosio would sit in the bass's groove and Lytle would pull the instrument around stage like a little red wagon.
         "I think most people think of [Lytle] as the prototype of a crazy, wild bass player in the rock 'n' roll mode," said Terry Stewart, chief executive officer of the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. "There were African-Americans doing similar things, but in terms of crossover appeal, he was at the forefront of making the bass an important part of the music, not just something in the background."
         In 1954, the band struck gold with "Shake, Rattle and Roll," which sold more than 1 million copies. The next year, "Rock Around the Clock" became so popular that Lytle once heard it playing simultaneously on three stations.
         Bill Haley and his Comets were soaring like rockets. The band had gone from Philadelphia's tiny Essex Records label to industry giant Decca.
         Before anyone heard of Elvis, the Comets were performing before wildly enthusiastic crowds and on television.

3 Comets Take Flight
         One night in Chicago, Lytle, D'Ambrosio and Richards, who were making about $175 a week, asked Haley for a raise: $50 a week. They had families and road expenses.
         They also had seen a $35,000 Decca royalty check in Haley's dressing room. Haley said no.
         "He said he was in too much debt," Lytle said. "The next thing we know, he's out buying four Cadillacs for the band to ride in. That was the straw that broke our back."
         Lytle, D'Ambrosio and Richards had a three-year deal with Capitol Records signed soon after informing Haley they were leaving. They used letters from their names (Joey, Dick and Marshall) to come up with the Jodimars.
         We had a helluva group, a great group, better than Bill Haley's," D'Ambrosio said. "Our first gig was at the Palace Theater in New York City."
         "Well Now Dig This" became a moderate U.S. hit and a major hit in Europe, and the group began playing casinos and nightclubs in Las Vegas and was house band at Harold's Club in Reno, Nevada.
         In Vegas, the band played with Ella Fitzgerald at The Sands Hotel for an audience sparkling with Hollywood stars including Jimmy Durante, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Gary Cooper.
         But by 1959 the Jodimars were squabbling. Musicians were added, but Lytle and D'Ambrosio say no one took charge. The group disbanded, and Lytle pursued a solo career. Divorced from his first wife, with whom he had three children, he began touring with his new wife, with whom he would have five children.
         An agent persuaded Lytle to change his name to Tommy Page, and he performed on the West Coast for about five years. In 1967, he quit the music industry to sell real estate in California.
         For 14 years, he made more than he ever had playing. But in 1981, rising interest rates drove him to yet another profession: motivational speaker.
         That same year, Lytle was watching television when a newscaster said Haley was dead of a heart attack in Texas. Lytle had last spoken to Haley in 1975, when he saw his former mentor perform at a nightclub in Hayword, California.
         "He introduced me from the stage as his original bass player on "Rock Around the Clock.' gave me a nice introduction and had me take a bow," Lytle said.
         His memories of Haley, inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in 1987, mostly are good. "I know Bill had his reasons for doing what he did," Lytle said. "If he had to do it over again I think he'd have treated me better. He got the big head, but he never realized it."

'I'll Rock Till I Drop'
         In 1987, Richards called Lytle to say there was an opportunity for the original Comets to reunite for a concert in Philadelphia. Lytle leapt.
         "I hadn't seen Johnny Grande or Franny Beecher since 1955," he said. "We walked past each other in the hotel lobby and didn't recognize each other.
         "They put us in a rehearsal hall, and it all came back. I said, 'We can still ride this bicycle.'" After the show, the group was approached about performing in England. The band, which sometimes includes British singer and Haley sound-alike Jacko Buddin, has been in demand since.
         Last year, Lytle was divorced from his third wife, with whom he moved to New Port Richey in 1986. He moved into the double-wide a few months ago. He has a girlfriend and doesn't plan to move again.
         "I just need a place I can lock up for three or four months at a time and come back to," Lytle said. "I'm gonna rock till I drop, so to speak."






Summer, 2003 - MARSHALL - BUDAPEST is on the other side of the Danube River,
sometimes known as the Blue Danube. It is one of the great cities of Europe.







25 signs your getting old...
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 600 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You actually watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 ! ! PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condom and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.







  • Put your birth date in the window. When you click on this link below and see what happens. Pretty neat! http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html



    BILL HALEY'S COMETS.
    Follow this link to some great pictures of the Comets in action on Friday, March 21, 2003 at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland.







    Top 16 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See:

    16. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings." 
    15. The proctologist called ... they found your head. 
    14. Everyone has a photographic memory ... some just don't have any film.
      13. Save your breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date. 
    12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. 
    11. I used to have a handle on life ... but it broke off.
      10. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
      9. Guys ... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. 
    8. Some people just don't know how to drive ... I call these people everbody but me.
    7. Heart Attacks ... God's revenge for eating His animal friends. 
    6. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. 
    5. If you can read this ... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
      4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. 
    3. Try not to let your mind wander ... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
      2. Hang up and drive!! 
    AND THE NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER YOU'D LIKE TO SEE
    1. Welcome to America ... now speak English 




    What Hallmark Doesn't Print:

    1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

    2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire ... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

    3. Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it ... She moved in with me.

    4. Looking back over the years that we've been together, can't help but wonder? What the hell was I thinking?

    5. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.

    6. How could two people as beautiful as you ... Have such an ugly baby?

    7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love, someone kind, .After having met you ... I've changed my mind.

    8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life ... I never believed in Hell 'till I met you.

    9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ... That you're not here to ruin it for me.

    10. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ... would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

    11. Someday I hope to get married. But not to you.

    12. Happy birthday! You look great for your age ... Almost Lifelike!

    13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

    14. We have been friends for a very long time ... lets say we stop?

    15. I'm so miserable without you ... it's almost like you're here.

    16. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?

    17. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep.

    18. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia & Arkansas)




    Inner Strength:

    If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
    If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
    If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
    If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
    If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
    If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
    through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
    If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
    If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
    If you can conquer tension without medical help,
    If you can relax without liquor,
    If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
    If you can do all these things,


    Then you are probably the family dog.




    Failed Pickup Lines:

    Man: "Haven't we met before?"
    Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

    Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
    Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

    Man: "Is this seat empty?"
    Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

    Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
    Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

    Man: "Your place or mine?"
    Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

    Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
    Woman: "It's in the phone book."

    Man: "But I don't know your name."
    Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

    Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
    Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

    Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
    Woman: "Do not Enter"

    Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
    Woman: "Unfertilized!"

    Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
    Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

    Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
    Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

    Man: "I know how to please a woman."
    Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

    Man: "I want to give myself to you."


    Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
    Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

    Man: "Your body is like a temple."
    Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

    Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
    Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

    Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
    Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?








    True History of Fertilizer

    In the 16th and 17th centuries, before commercial fertilizer was invented, large shipments of manure were transported by ship. It was shipped in dry bundles because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet and, being dry, prevented the process of fermentation.

      But once water hit it at sea, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began, a byproduct of which is methane gas. It didn't take long for methane to build up below decks, and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern,   BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before somebody figured out what was happening.


    Once they determined the role that manure played in the explosions, everybody began stamping the bundles with the term "Ship High In Transit," so that the sailors would know to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

    You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I always thought it was a sports term.




    New Medal

    I bet you know more than 1 person deserving this honor!

    (PAIN IN THE ASS)







    Comparison of 1902 and 2002

    The year is 1902 one hundred years ago ... what a difference a century makes!

    Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1902:

    The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

    Only 14 Percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

    Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

    A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

    There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

    The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

    Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

    With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st-most populous state in the Union.

    The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

    The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.

    The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

    A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

    More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

    Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the Press and by the government as "substandard."

    Sugar cost four cents a pound; eggs were fourteen cents a dozen; coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

    Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg Yolks for shampoo.

    Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country For any reason.

    The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
    1. Pneumonia and influenza
    2. Tuberculosis
    3. Diarrhea
    4. Heart disease
    5. Stroke

    The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, And Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

    The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.

    Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

    There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

    One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

    Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

    18 percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

    There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

    Just think what it will be like in another 100 years ...
    Interesting facts:

    DID YOU KNOW?

    A humming bird weighs less than a penny. 
    Butterflies taste with their feet. 
    A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. 
    In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined. 
    On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 
    On average people fear spiders more than they do death. 
    Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
      Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. 
    Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
    Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. 
    It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
    Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
      The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it built, engineers failed to take into count the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. 
    A snail can sleep for three years. 
    No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH." 
    Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
      Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
    The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
    All polar bears are left handed. 
    In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
    An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
    TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
      "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
      If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
    A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
    The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
    Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday. 
    Don't forget to pass these weird facts on to everyone you know. They will get a kick out of it !!




    YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN

    The life of the party...even if it last until 8 p.m.

    I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

    I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

    I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

    I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

    I'm very good a telling stories, over and over and over and over.

    I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.

    I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care dental care.

    I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't remember.

    I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

    I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy , and that's just my left leg.

    I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...

    I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps, I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?

    I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

    I'm a walking storeroom of facts....I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.






    OLD GEEZERS

    "Geezers" (slang for an old man) are easy to spot:

    At sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Geezers hold their caps over their hearts and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Geezers remember World War I, the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor,Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.

    If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.



    Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies. Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.

    It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

    This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Geezers!





    Why Men Should Not Babysit ...



     



     




    For the Women

    Many of you have probably already read this, but it's a great second, third, and even fourth one....I am woman, hear me ROAR!!!!

    By the time the Lord made women, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?". And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her?

    She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time , have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."

    The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!" "And that's just on the standard model?" the Angel asked. The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

    But I can't!", the Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hr days.

    The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "but you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft", the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

    Will she be able to think?", asked the Angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

    The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

    That's not a leak," the Lord objected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the Angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

    The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything, for women are truly amazing."

    Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry hardships, they carry burdens but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

    Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.

    Pass this along to your women friends to remind them how amazing they are...





    Senile Virus Alert
    A new virus has been identified, it's called the Senile Virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1958 or was it 1985?
    1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice, twice.
    2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
    3. Causes you to send to wrong person.
    4. Causes you to send it back to person who sent it to you.
    5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
    6. Causes you to leave everyone's name and email address on a forward so their privacy is violated by all of your ding-bat friends.
    7. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the




  • New Year Countdown
    RiverSongs.com (Safe to Open).




  • How Can You Live Without
    Knowing These Things?


    Q. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time:
    A. Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

    Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

    Coca-Cola was originally green.

    It is impossible to lick your elbow.

    Q The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
    A. Alaska

    The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

    The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

    Q. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
    A. $6,400

    Q. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
    A. 61,000

    Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

    The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

    The youngest pope was 11 years old.

    The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

    Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

    Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs - Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar

    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

    Statues:


    If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

    If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

    If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

    Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

    "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

    Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.


    Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? 
    A. Conception.

    Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
    A. Their birthplace

    Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
    A. Obsession

    Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
    A. One thousand

    Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
    A. All invented by women.

    Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
    A. Honey

    Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
    A. Father's Day

    Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
    A. He was allergic to carrots.

    Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
    A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

    In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".

    It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.

    In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's".

    Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

    In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden.....and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

    FINALLY .................................

    At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.





    Actual Signs Across the USA

    DUH!!


    Hmmm...
    sounds like a Stephen King novel.


    You can never have too much "stuff."


    Run, Bullwinkle, run!!


    80% guaranteed.


    This town is trying to reduce its
    local population.


    Make your choice and start your engines.


    Thanks, but I think I'll just keep driving.


    Do you reckon they ran out of Canola oil?


    Hmmmm. I'll just keep
    shopping at my regular supermarket.


    Maybe the sign should have read
    "Pass With Care - Right Side Up"


    Younger painters need not apply!


    Perfect road for a getaway.


    Besides, they aren't in season right now!


    Sure hope everyone brought along an
    empty coffee can or a mason jar.


    They actually have to put a sign up
    to keep people from doing this?


    Why not?


    Oh, there has got to be some
    circumstance when it's allowed.


    I wonder how long they'd remain your
    best friend?


    Who says you can't be in two places at once?


    Oh, my.


    Fast elderly people must cross elsewhere.


    Now, as you drive down the highways and
    byways, enjoying these funny signs,
    if you ever come across ... a two-story
    outhouse - use the upper one.






    Do you think that this 81 year old man likes his job?




    Joe and Dick checking out the $365,000.00 dollar Bentley.
    They drove us to our show in one just like it. WOW!




    This cake was on the desk in my hotel suite at the Ritz Carlton. The other Comets had drums, sax, guitar and piano done in chocolate on their cake.




    Steven Wright-isms
    If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said; "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen ... and replaced by exact duplicates." Here are some more of his gems:
    - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
    - Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
    - Half the people you know are below average.
    - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    - 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
    - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    - If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
    - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
    - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    - I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
    - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
    - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
    - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
    - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
    - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
    - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
    - I intend to live forever - so far, so good.  
    - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
    - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
    - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
    - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
    - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
    - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
    - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
    - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
    - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
    - Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.





    This is part of the CREW on the cruiseship MS EUROPA. We did a special show for them one night and they were the best audience of the cruise. Our service on the following days was incredible. If you look close you can see the Comets in the crowd.










    On November 23rd, 2002 we headed for a gig in southern Switzerland. I guess Klaus took the wrong road :o) because we came to a ROAD CLOSED sign. Snowed In... Klaus found the Rail Road Station and put the Van on a flatcar and here we are going over the ALPS thru a tunnel on a train. We made it to the gig but it took 13 hours.








    Create Your Own 4th of July!
    This is awesome. When the screen has loaded just click anywhere in the black square and watch what happens! The more you click, the better it gets. Click here: Time Tripper











    Click: DONKEY



    A friend was cleaning out her grandmother's house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to sprinkle clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

    How Many Do You Remember??
    Head lights dimmer switches on the floor
    Ignition switches on the dashboard
    Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall
    Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that]
    Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
    Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
    Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
    I REMEMBER ALL of these -
    Somebody bring me a wheel chair - I AM SO OLD -



    SIGNS:
    In a veterinarian's waiting room:
    "Be back in 5 minutes...... Sit! ..........Stay!"

    On a Plumber's truck:
    "We repair what your husband fixed."

    On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip.
    Call your plumber."

    Pizza shop slogan:
    "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

    Another Pizza shop slogan:
    "Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."

    At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
    "Invite us to your next blowout."

    At a towing company:
    "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

    On an electrician's truck:
    "Let us remove your shorts."

    In a non-smoking area:
    "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

    On a maternity room door:
    "Push. Push. Push."

    At an optometrist's office:
    "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

    In a podiatrist's office:
    "Time wounds all heels."

    On a fence:
    "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

    At a car dealership:
    "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

    Outside a muffler shop:
    "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

    In a restaurant window:
    "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

    In the front yard of a funeral home:
    "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

    At a propane filling station:
    "Tank heaven for little grills."

    And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
    "Best place in town to take a leak."
    At a military hospital door to colonoscopy:
    "To expedite your visit, please back in."

    Sign over a gynecologist's office:
    "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."




    ROCKY BURNETTE, August 2002.



    Older Than Dirt Quiz
    Count all the ones that you remember-not the ones you were told about!
    Ratings below.
    1. Blackjack chewing gum
    2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
    3. Candy cigarettes
    4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle
    5. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
    6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
    7. Party lines
    8. News reels before the movie
    9. P. F. Flyers
    10. Butch wax
    11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
    12. Pea shooters
    13. Howdy Doody
    14. 45 RPM records
    15. S&H Green Stamps
    16. Hi-fi's
    17. Metal ice trays with lever
    18. Mimeograph paper
    19. Blue flashbulb
    20. Packard's
    21. Roller skate keys
    22. Cork pop guns
    23.. Drive-ins
    24. Studebakers
    25. Wash tub wringers

    If you remembered
    0- 05 = You're still young
    6-10 = You are getting older
    11-15 = Don't tell your age,
    16-25 = You're older than dirt!
    Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends. Gems are precious, But Friendship is Priceless!!







    TO MY DEAR WIFE:
    During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every tendays. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
    54 times the sheets were clean
    17 times it was too late
    49 times you were too tired
    20 times it was too hot
    15 times you pretended to be asleep
    22 times you had a headache
    17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
    16 times you said you were too sore
    12 times it was the wrong time of the month
    19 times you had to get up early
    9 times you said weren't in the mood
    7 times you were sunburned
    6 times you were watching the late show
    5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
    3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
    9 times you said your mother would hear us

    Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
    6 times you just laid there
    8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
    4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
    7 times I had to wake you and tell you I was finished
    1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

    TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
    I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
    5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
    36 times you did not come home at all
    21 times you didn't cum
    33 times you came too soon
    19 times you went soft before you got in
    38 times you worked too late
    10 times you got cramps in your toes
    29 times you had to get up early to play golf
    2 times you were in a fight andsomeone kicked you in the balls
    4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
    3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
    2 times you had a splinter in your finger
    20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
    6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
    98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

    Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.





    EVERYTHING I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark... One: Don't miss the boat.  Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.  Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.  Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. NOW, wasn't that nice? Pass it along and make someone else smile, too.




    Some of the nicest people in the world. The Queen of Rockabilly Music, with husband and Manager Mr. Wendell Goodman and Ms. WANDA JACKSON.









    © Rockabilly Hall of Fame ®